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Photographs and Memories
2004-05-04 / 7:45 a.m.
I went through photo albums last night with a friend of ours. I laughed because he was sitting at the table and made the statement about never being friends with a lesbian before. I got my pictures out of Bobbie. It is not a secret here to my friends and it was nice that he had completely accepted it with me to the point of not making it a distinquished characteristic of me.
I did notice something that really bothered me though. I'm not smiling in so many pictures. I mean I am down right miserable in them. At least 95% of them. It makes me wonder why. I have to admit there was a lot of hostility growing up, not abusive, just angry. I so do not want to do that to my kids. I am glad, at least from what I can see, that the pictures I have of them are full of smiles (except for the black mail ones that I have reserved for their first girlfriends).
I read an article that said you shouldn't try to live your childhood through your kids. Giving them everything you didn't have is only spoiling them. You know, I don't think I care. I want them to smile. I want them to have the travel memories I have. I don't want them to be like so many other kids here that have never even left Auburn. I want them to remember the long trip to Florida in the car and the barber shop in North Carolina and dad's farm in Illinois with the motorcycle. At least they will roll their eyes if not smile about it. It illicits a response other than those grumpy faces in my photos.
Blaine told me yesterday that his friend was so lucky, he had every system from nintendo to the cube that had ever been put out. I asked him if that made him unlucky because he didn't. Thankfully he said no. I would hate my kids to want to substitute our family time for a game cube. I know I am not perfect but I can gladly say that I don't want to buy my kids love.
Enough thinking, my bear has gotten up. No rest for the wicked.
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Missed A Page?
Been Awhile - 2005-04-16
Your Stupid - 2005-04-06
The haze - 2005-04-05
YMCA Visit - 2005-03-14
And so I begin - 2005-03-13