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Insanity
2004-12-16 / 12:18 a.m.
Bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch - yes for 7 days now that is all I have done but bitch.
I've been the classic whiner that no one wants to be around. Complain about everything - even the "favors" that are being done for me albeit incorrectly. I'm miserable. Big surprise right?
So I basically took the day off today. It was really too cold to get up and do anything constructive this morning so I didn't. I laid on the couch curled up in the blanket until I got a call begging me to drive in this rotten weather. So I finally got up, got dressed got halfway to the store and realized I had forgotten to wash my coat and wondered subconsciously if anyone could smell the whipped cream that had gotten on my jacket.
We had asked the boys to throw out the tubs of whipped cream that someone forgot to refrigerate. They used them as target practice instead getting them all over the dumpster. I dared them to deny it. I'm sure I would have done the same when I was 10,11, 13 if I had the opportunity. Anyway... my friend said you couldn't but I assure you it is in the wash now.
So I put the bitchiness on two things in particular. A - I am cold and I am sorry but the excuse of 'well the furnace guy said...' isn't cutting it because the whining of my children that it is too cold to sleep is out weighing that. And they are right. It is miserably cold in their rooms. The second furnace has got to go in - yes the house is that big. B - SO and I have split, it's been a little over a week now. Admittedly it doesn't quite feel real yet because we are still living with each other but that is a financial reason. He's still getting on my nerves. I have no doubt that when I am feeling wishy washy and start to lean back to being together he does something that reminds me why we are seperating. None the less it is hard because I keep weighing the good to the bad. Unfortunately the scales seem really tipped. On the other hand, I wonder how much of that is really me and my persistance on being miserable. Of course I then wonder if I am miserable because I'm with him. Insanity. That is what it is. Yes I am laughing at this point. Hysterically. No not really but I do see the humor. I wonder if this classifies as the catch-22. You can't be insane if you say you are insane because then you are sane enough to know you are insane then you cannot be insane. Get it? hahahahahahahahaha - hysterical delusional laughing here....
I'm going to bed. I have a warm little 6 year old body curled up in my spot keeping it warm. His room still isn't warming properly so he's in ours until we get the vent figured out. Fun fun fun.
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Been Awhile - 2005-04-16
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The haze - 2005-04-05
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And so I begin - 2005-03-13